Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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