watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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