So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
