Your face is a jimmy john
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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