My pussy is not your playground.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
