If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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