Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
