I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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