So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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