Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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