so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
