I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
