I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize