Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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