meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
