Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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