Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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