I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night