Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
