hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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