Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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