We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
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My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
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If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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