1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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