batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
