I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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