i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
