She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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