She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
