Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
