my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Say something about gay babies.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
