I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
