She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
