I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
