sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
