youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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