Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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