OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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