i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
