i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
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We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
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How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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