Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
