I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
