actually, I'm a sock model
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
