Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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