Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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