I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
