Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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