So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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