nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
