Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
