i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
