Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
