Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
