Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
