i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
