I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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