Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
