i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
