I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in your delicious
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
A bitchslap is in order.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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