She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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