New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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