i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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