Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
